Secrets
by crematosis
Summary: L reflects on his relationship with Light and all the problems it brings. If Light is Kira, he could kill him at any moment. But Light is impulsive and believes L needs to take chances. How will Light change L's mind about their secret love? LightxL


A/N: This is another one-shot. That means ONE chapter. No matter how much you beg or put me on alerts, I will not make it two chapters. Get it, got it, good.

Disclaimer: I don't own L or Light…what a shame.

L settled into his favorite chair, the only one in his hotel room that faced the window. It also faced away from the door. It was raining outside, which matched L's depressed mood perfectly. L heaved a sigh as he stared at the rivulets of water running down the window.

Matsuda crept into the room and glanced about before seeing L's hair over the back of his chair. "Um…Ryuuzaki-san?" Matsuda asked meekly.

"Hmn?" L asked, his back still to Matsuda.

Matsuda padded over to L's chair. "Ryuuzaki-san? Everyone is wondering where you are. You left the room so suddenly."

"I informed them I was taking a break from the case," L said softly.

Matsuda blinked. "Are you okay? You seem really upset."

"Oh, I am perfectly fine, considering the fact that my lover could kill me at any time." L sighed again.

Matsuda thought for a moment. "So…you're in love with Kira?"

"Possibly."

"Then you know who Kira is then?" Matsuda asked excitedly.

"No, I know who Kira possibly is."

Matsuda's face fell. "Then who are you in love with?"

"Raito-kun, of course. He is our only suspect at the moment, Matsuda."

Matsuda hesitated. "Isn't it bad to fall in love with your suspect?"

"Of course it is bad, Matsuda. It is horrible. It is a complete breach of etiquette. It puts me in a position where I want to please my suspect and want to believe he is innocent."

Matsuda shifted. "But you are in love with him."

"Yes, yes I am," L said quietly.

"So…what happens now? Will you get fired from the Kira case?"

"I highly doubt it, Matsuda. I am very skilled at what I do especially in concealing my personal life."

Matsuda opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the door slamming open. Light thrust his head around the doorframe and hissed. "Ryuuzaki, get in here now."

L winced. "Yes, Raito-kun," he said sadly.

Matsuda tried to gage L's sincerity. His face was almost as unreadable, except for a slight sadness. Matsuda was as puzzled as ever.

L slipped through the door into the hallway and followed Light into a small cramped spare bedroom. "Yes, Raito-kun?" he asked softly.

"What was that stunt you just pulled?" Light growled with barely contained fury.

"I needed a break," L said placidly. "I needed some fresh air."

"Liar," Light spat.

L frowned. 'Raito-kun, I seem to recall the phrase, "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.' You are not a woman, so why are you so furious?"

Light shoved L back against the wall. "Ryuuzaki, you can't run from me forever. I know why you left. Whenever I start telling anyone that you and I will be spending the night here, you run. Are you afraid that I'll give you away?

"I am not ashamed of our relationship," L said softly. "Matsuda is aware that we are together."

"Matsuda? How could he possibly find out? He's an idiot."

"It's because I told him."

"Oh."

L looked down at the ground. "I am not ashamed of being attracted to another male. I am not ashamed of being attracted to you, Raito-kun. I would just rather not have the task force aware of our activities."

'Then why'd you tell Matsuda?"

"Matsuda is harmless. I am more worried about what your father would think."

Light sighed. 'I know. My dad would kill me if he found out I was having sex with you."

L nodded. "I am supposed to be a strong, intelligent man who has no need for interactions with others or emotional ties to get in the way of my research."

Light sat on the edge of the small bed. "But you're human. And humans fuck up."

L sighed. "I do not understand my desire to be with you. I am a highly competitive person that hates to lose."

"And yet you're the one getting pounded into the mattress every night." Light summed up

L frowned and folded his legs under him. "Thank you for putting it so…delicately."

Light smirked. "You're a competitive person, but not a sore loser. You don't like to lose, but if you have to lose, you'd rather lose to someone who truly is your match."

L cocked his head to one side. "It sounds reasonable. But I cannot fathom why I find being overpowered and in pain so exciting."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic. Sex doesn't hurt that badly, at least it shouldn't be hurting much anymore. I think you're sufficiently broken in."

"But how could I allow myself to desire such things?"

"That's just the point. You can't prevent love. Love isn't something you allow yourself or don't allow yourself to feel. It just springs on you. You don't think things through and say, "he's totally wrong for me". You're in love and nothing else matters."

"Love is not a logical emotion," L concluded.

"No, it's certainly not," Light agreed.

"Then why does it feel like I have picked the perfect person? We are both geniuses, both with high regard for justice. We seem to be a very compatible pair."

Light snorted in derision. "We would be compatible if you didn't always insist on accusing me of being Kira."

L's eyes saddened. "You are probably Kira. And you will probably kill me one day. But somehow that doesn't prevent me from succumbing to your charms. You are correct, Raito-kun. Love is irrational."

Light pulled L close. "I could never kill you."

"How could you possibly kill anyone?"

"I never have," Light said quietly. "And I certainly don't plan on it any time soon."

L chewed his thumb. "One day I must bring Raito-kun to justice."

"One day you'll realize I'm not really Kira," Light insisted.

L smiled thinly and wrapped his arms around Light's neck. "Why do we do this to ourselves? We have to be professional and yet we want to have a secret romances as well. Why do we think that we can have it both ways?"

"Because we're in love," Light said simply. "People do crazy things when they're in love." He kissed L softly.

L smiled. "I suppose you're right."

"Now, I'm spending the night here, whether you like it or not. We can do the 'professional' thing and just work all night, or we can have a little fun. I'm staying here either way. You can make up your mind about what you want to do, okay?"

L smiled. "Yes, Raito-kun. We can do whatever we want to do. Just don't tell your father."


End file.
